Blogs from my trip to the Baltic will be forthcoming, for the time being, thought you all might enjoy this bit of British humo(u)r from John Cleese of the Monty Python team.
"ALERTS TO THREATS IN 2015
EUROPE
From JOHN CLEESE
The English are feeling the
pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore
raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon,
though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or
even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since
the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists
have been re-categorised from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance."
The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level
was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.
The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's
get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the
reason they have been used on the front line of the British army
for the last 300 years.
The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its
terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in
France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated
by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively
paralysing the country's military capability.
Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to
"Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective
Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."
The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance"
to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two
higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat
they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels ..
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to
deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the
new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries"
to "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain:
"Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the Barbie this weekend!" and
"The barbie is cancelled." So far no situation has ever warranted
use of the last final escalation level.
Regards,
John Cleese ,
British writer, actor
and tall person
And as a final thought - Greece is collapsing, the Iranians are getting
aggressive, and Rome is in disarray. Welcome back to 430 BC."
"ALERTS TO THREATS IN 2015
EUROPE
From JOHN CLEESE
The English are feeling the
pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore
raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon,
though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or
even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since
the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists
have been re-categorised from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance."
The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level
was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.
The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's
get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the
reason they have been used on the front line of the British army
for the last 300 years.
The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its
terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in
France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated
by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively
paralysing the country's military capability.
Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to
"Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective
Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."
The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance"
to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two
higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat
they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels ..
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to
deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the
new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries"
to "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain:
"Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the Barbie this weekend!" and
"The barbie is cancelled." So far no situation has ever warranted
use of the last final escalation level.
Regards,
John Cleese ,
British writer, actor
and tall person
And as a final thought - Greece is collapsing, the Iranians are getting
aggressive, and Rome is in disarray. Welcome back to 430 BC."
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