Spring wrote to us how things were going back in McM, and she used a play to explain one thing. So I decided to write a musical. Below is Spring's email with the play, my musical, and my head boss's comments.
Spring:
Hello friends,
Spring:
Hello friends,
It has been discussed around the office this year that Team Enviro runs on candy and nihilism, and also,obviously, pictures of good, good dogs. I am offering two of those things to you in this e-mail since, as yet, technology has not provided a way to send candy digitally (which is why I am unconcerned about the imminence of the singularity. If we can't e-mail sour patch kids yet, I don't think we're in danger of a robot uprising.)
First, the nihilism:
Wow, I am the number one target market for that particular article. McSweeneys just gets me.
There will be a doggurday photo of the best good boy at the end of this e-mail, but first, since Kaneen is the only person who knows about it so far, I will recount for you 2 tales of what you are all missing by not being in McMurdo this week where I am having all the fun.
First: I spent 4 hours by myself in the middle of the night (10-2am) with a sawzall and a sledgehammer demolishing a baggage frame in the cargo bay made entirely of rotten wood and ants. It was full of leaf litter and fungus and algae and also three moths, one centipede, and one ladybug. I'd still rather be here than Pole, for what it's worth
Tale number 2, in the form of a play:
Scene: It is the tail-end of the NSF call where Nature is listing for ten minutes all the reasons the new Disney film about Penguins (named Steve) is shit. (File this conversation under: shocking news) when I get a call on the other line from the second worst safety guy on station.
Me. "Hello, what do you want?" (This is how I answer the phone when you're not here)
Safety guy: "We got an infestation. Maybe birds. Boiler room, 155"
Me. "Um, okay, that seems probable. I'll be there in 20"
I go to the hand wash station where a boiler mechanic is waiting to escort me to their dungeon lair. There are many doors that you have to go through to get to the boiler room. I note this while visualizing making the journey as a bird with my bird wings and no fingers.
Boiler mechanic (BM henceforth): "Something is eating cake and pooping back here. There's a mess on my desk and keyboard that wasn't there at 5:00am. There are cake crumbs and bird poop. Look at that, that's bird poop. And look up there - cake crumbs!"
Me: "Have you seen a bird?"
BM: "No, but look. Poop. Crumbs."
Me: "Hmmmm....Do you have a ladder?"
BM: "Yes, here. See! More crumbs up there!" (points to a high shelf over the desk)
Me, now able to see the valve on the glycol waste-heat loop which is leaking and generating the "cake" and "bird poop" - "Looks like you have a glycol leak, see all that crumby poopy stuff seeping out of that valve?"
BM: "Whoa, how'd you find that?"
Me: "......."Okay. All good here? I'm gonna go........................."
Hope it's as much fun wherever you are. I miss you each and every one and will never take any of you for granted again.
Love,
Spring
Me:
Spring-a-ling!
Sorry to hear you had some craziness recently. Sorry Nate and I couldn’t be there to help with all the bugs. We’ve uncovered the parts for an entire telescope. I’m sure there’s some giant lense in there that would have been the perfect magnifying glass. There was a party and tour at BICEP and the S. Pole Telescope last night. We learned that they are looking towards light particles that were there at the beginning of time, yet we still haven’t figured out how to electronically send sours!? There is a definite lack of candy here.
Here are the pics Elisha's mom sent of Yogi and Gismo today. And I’ve also included a photo of the chaperone for the middle school themed slow dance last night (“c’mon kids, hands off the butts!). You all can probably imagine that Nate was one of the main offenders.
Since your play so vividly allowed me to take a peak into your week, I decided to write a musical about ours (yes, I know you’re not too into musicals, but I really struggle with iambic pentameter and the music just seems to flow). While you do not lag far behind Shakespeare in your writing, I am far off from Andrew Lloyd Webber, so bear with me.
Cast of Characters:
Nate Williams as Enviro Engineer (EE)
Travis Guy as Enviro Tech (ET)
Crunch as Vehicle Operator (VO)
Payot Neal Scheibe III as…wait, no one really knows what he does here either
Scene 1
Setting: Gymnasium
Song: “You’re not welcome here”
As song is sung, EE and ET, run around (with leaping dance moves) attempting to find a place to put their yoga mat, constantly being chased off after taking someone’s spot. Main chorus is sung by UTs with solos by EE and ET. Neal is seen eating ice cream through the doorway.
Scene 2
Setting: Fuelie locker room
Song: “I feel sweaty”
EE and ET sing as they maneuver through the tight room, attempting to put on all combinations of layers of clothes, giant heavy boots, and heavy outerwear. Sweat is seen pouring down their temples as they stuff their socks and mitts with hand warmers and attempt to adjust their goggles, hat, buff, and neck gaiters just right. Neal observes all this while eating a heaping bowl of ice cream.
Scene 3
Setting: Berm land
Song: “I feel frozen” (to the same tune as “I feel sweaty”)
EE and ET sing this song as the windchill freezes their sweat, as Nate attempts to write on a tiny spreadsheet bare-handed, and as goggles ice over.
Scene 4
Setting: Berm land and Solar 1 (outhouse)
Song: “At least it’s warm (those guys are weird)”
EE and ET are frequently seen entering and exiting the outhouse together. They sing that they are going in for warmth from the biting wind. Random station members (in heated tractors and snowcats) enter the scene to sing one-liners, wondering why the 2 strange McM fellows keep entering the outhouse together. Neal is seen in one of the snowcats eating a bowl of ice cream.
Scene 5
Setting: Berm
Song: “Crunch”
Instrumental song featuring the VO driving in and out and in and out and in and out of the pit being dug in the berm. The crunch of the tractor tracks are highlighted as are the crunch of the ET and EE’s boots on the frozen snow as they follow behind with a banana sled picking up the remnants of shattered pallets, boxes, and crates.
Scene 6
Setting: Berm
Song: “Waste it”
Funny and whimsical song where the EE and ET run and dance around the various crates writing ‘waste’ or ‘keep’. A box labeled ‘ice cream 2007’ is labeled ‘for Neal’ by the ET.
Scene 7
Setting: Bermland
Song: “Deflated”
Solo by EE. Song starts out upbeat with EE singing of all the progress. EE then climbs on top of giant case housing telescope parts. He clears his goggles of ice and then looks across the expanse of bermland (Bermland looks an awful lot like the ubran sprawl of Denver). The song turns darks when he realizes how much work is ahead, how will it ever all be shipped out, and that it will most likely all be bermed again. Throughout the song, the EE dancefully jumps from crate to crate. Overhead shots or shown to highlight the expanse of bermland.
Scene 8
Setting: Berm
Song: “Money may grow on trees, but there are no trees at the South Pole”
Heartfelt solo by the VO as he realizes how much money all the items he has dug up cost, and how much transporting them in and then wasting them out will cost.
Scene 9
Setting: Berm, specifically exploded nut/bold/washer crate section
Song: “Not another nut”
Humorous song where the EE and ET keep finding one more nut, bold, or washer buried in the snow just when they think they’ve picked up the last one. They try, with no success, many methods to make this process faster, from using a giant magnet to shoveling them up (the nuts and bolts are huge and too heavy to put many on a shovel). The song ends with the EE and ET playing a version of corn-hole as they throw the nuts into the buckets.
Scene 10
Setting: fitness room and A4 pod bathroom
Song: “120 seconds”
ET is seen running hard on the treadmill, dripping in sweat, and walking past the bathroom. Next day is shown, same thing. Next day is show, same thing. Random station members are seen holding their noses. Song starts when next day, the ET is allowed to shower for 2 minutes. It’s a high-paced fast song. Neil is seen eating ice cream while slowly peddling on the exercise bike.
Scene 11
Setting: Galley
Song: “I scream, you scream”
All is forgotten upon the scooping of ice cream for dessert. 25 or so station members are seated at the galley tables. Neil scoops out giant servings of colorful ice cream and passes the bowls along. The station members sing a happy song about ice cream as it is passed along. Pounding of bowls and spoons form the instrumental portion of the song. Several station members are seen slipping Diamox into their ice cream.
Musical ends with EE seen slipping into bed, but lying diagonal to fit in it.
We all know musicals are exaggerations. This hits on some of the funny situations we’ve encountered here and some of the frustrations we have/are feeling. But DON’T let it fool you, we’re having a good time, working hard, staying warm, and making some progress on a huge project. Crunch is awesome, the food is delicious, station is relaxing, and we’re not feeling the altitude at all. Nate’s a great guy, and I enjoy working with him. This little skit was mostly for a laugh, so don’t feel bad for us! Well, maybe a little, enough to welcome us back to McM with plenty of sours!
Kaneen (my head boss)
Damn that is good stuff!!!! I suddenly feel uplifted while question my ability to tell a story all at the same time. I could not wait to sit down and read it-
I can see/hear all this happening! Neil in the background eating is particularly hysterical. He and Clair stayed with us last winter/spring and I can still picture him leaning on a wall eating a bowl of ice cream (or peanut butter and something) - TOO REAL!!!! Love it:
Gizmo is intense and I love it: kinda like team enviro.
All the love to you South Pole Bermies
Xo
K
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